Wondering

I was wondering if anyone could catch a bullet in their teeth. Here is another list of things I wonder about.

I wonder...

... if I'm ever going to be famous enough to tell people to go fuck themselves and they will actually be happy about it and tell their friends.

... how many sexual partners Tara Reid has had. Is it more than 100? Ha, I mean 100 per year maybe!

... if I could get away from the cops in a car chase.

... how babies are made.

... if it's possible to travel faster than the speed of noisy light.

... why AIDS is such a big problem in Africa.

... if you push an old lady down and take her purse, would you be extra mean if you took a picture of her on the ground and did that thing where you jump in the picture with both of your thumbs up.

... if it was appropriate to give my 3 year old cousins plastic grocery bags for christmas.

... was it also appropriate to fill the grocery bags with knives and fireworks.

... if white trash goes to the same heaven as everyone else. If they do, then will there be some kind of ordinance to keep them from white trashing their heavenly lot next to mine?

... if I called my soldering iron at work the soldering iron of justice, would anyone get that.

I would carry it around like a cowboy and if someone saw me they'd say something like, "Hey. Look, he's carrying a soldering iron." and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.