This day in history
In 1521 on this day, Hernan Cortes captures Tenochtitlan, the capital of the Aztec empire. The story is famous because he did it with only a few soldiers and also did it because he simply felt like conquering a civilization. He fit conquering the Aztecs in between banging a native girl and banging many other native girls.
The Aztecs were like Romans, only they sacrificed people and made killer tacos. Their advanced agricultural system allowed Tenochtitlan to become a city of about 250,000 which is a lot of people for back then. Now the site is Mexico city which has a metro population of about 20 million people. I know what you're thinking, "How can so many people make a living in one area selling tamales in grocery bags?". I am not sure, it just must be a blessed place.
The day will mostly be remembered because Mexico was thus conquered and the country would rise to be the most powerful nation in between the United States and whatever country lies directly below Mexico.
posted by Clupbert @ 6:05 PM
9
comments
9 Comments:
"The story is famous because he did it with only a few soldiers"
Er, not quite. Contrary to what my moonbat professor wanted to believe, Cortez didn't capture a whole empire because he was evil, superhuman and because the Aztecs were "Docile, peaceful, and have never done anything to hurt anyone."
Cortez's army was made up of... *checks* about 500 Europeans and anywhere up to 190,000 (yes, 190,000) indigenous soldiers from other tribal nations who were friggin' sick of being used as human sacrifices.
I pointed this out to my prof, saying that Cortez only provided the leadership to an already pissed off indigenous population, and that sacking Tenochtitlan was actually a public service when you consider the huge numbers of "religious" sacrifices.
My prof knocked marks off of my paper, told me I was "racist" for being so "intolerant" of the Aztec religion, and said that "This is the same argument Bush uses to justify the mess in Iraq: that Saddam was "mistreating" Iraqis."
Yes, yes, I know. But it's not famous for that, it is still famous for the few soldiers thing. People know it because crazy profs talk about how with a few guns, spain raped the natives.
jarett, it's not funny if you make everything completely and absolutely accurate. plus, if you made everything completely and absolutely accurate everybody in history would be a bad guy except like...Jesus
Right, I know, but I just had to add it.
Hey, you know, the more you look into it, the more Jesus was really cool. A real shit-disturber. I like that :)
Of course, the benefit of making all history accurate is that when I take over the world, people won't hate me. They'll remember how I was the greatest thing to come along until fusion power, which will also be discovered during my reign as Elected King and divinely-selected President-for-life.
With success like that, who needs revisionism?
Well what was the famous quote when Napolean discovered America? I think it was, "history is left to the winners or more like it is left to the smart people who kind of hang around the nobles that won the wars. They can write really well and the nobles are too worried about their giant egos to realize what they're writing down" That Napolean, he was so smart and that's why he wrote Origin of the Species and Principia in one lifetime.
history is actually left to the weeners. subtle but ... different.
your extreme intelligence never ceases to amaze me :D
With Clupbert and I working together, we could condense the world's history into sixty pages, mostly involving Hitler, Napoleon, Bush, Cleopatra, and a basket of fruit. Between them, they accomplished so many things that I think people'll get the general idea.
And 60 pages would be because the basket of fruit barely failed to consolidate power in the late 1400's which would have made history only 9 and half pages.
Post a Comment
<< Home