If I was a boring post writer...

Then I would write one of these "If I could be" posts. Well it just happens that I am and no one I know has "tagged" (or I would prefer to say "tarded" me) with one of these lists so I will just go with my 5.

If I could be a migrant worker... I think migrant work is really great because you get to work outside with a bunch of your friends. You also get to eat mexican food a lot because you're mexican. You also get all the benefits of a regular US citizen without paying all those ridiculous taxes. And if I got to chose which plant I picked, I would choose money trees because that is a really profitable business plus I could slip myself some.

If I could be a pirate... I sail on a Santana 35 and when we're racing, I always wish that we would veer off and board another racer's boat and loot it and murder everyone on board. It must have been boring before pirates because there was such a thing as stealing and there was such a thing as sailing but if you were an afficianado of both, you really had to split your time. This way you can enjoy both of your passions at once.

If I could be a worker at the DMV... I know it's pretty tired to rag on the DMV but I am not here to rag on it, I am here to talk about how I would like to work there. Think about it, your job is not hard, you don't have to do much, you are a complete imbecile and that's accepted. You also get decent pay and there is really not a good way to gauge how well you're doing your job because you're a not-for-profit organization. Yes if I could be a worker, I would be the best worker ever and by best, I mean the laziest, slowest, most retarded worker ever because I am sure that is the goal of the DMV.

If I could be the spawn of the lord... I think that if someone told you that you were the son of the Lord, and that all you had to do was preach for a few years and then be martyred in a horrible 40 day death, that it would be great. It would be great because you're like Prince of the Universe forever and all you had to do was die a human death. And then everyone's supposed to be grateful to you like you really sacrificed but I don't see too many people not doing the same thing in that situation.

If I could be a sock puppeteer... then I would make several socks that looked like this:


My first sock puppet's name would be Ego the Sock Puppet.

If I could be an accountant... This is my last profession because I wanted to make sure I put an everyday-profession down. I just put it here because I am really good at counting.