A Lawsuit

ORDER. ORDER. Today's case is one Mr. Clupbert, the plaintiff, who has decided to sue one Mr. the Lord our God, for "excessively bad weather." God wishes to countersue for "blasphemy." Plaintiff, state your case.

Clupbert: I wanted to play tennis today, but it turns out it was really rainy and shitty outside. I checked on weather.com and it said it was 39 degrees in the middle of the day but it felt like 29 degrees. It is already April, and the days of 40 below shittiness need to go away. The law, I thought, stated that the official rule is that March "comes in like a lion, out like a lamb." If I checked my symbol book right, lamb means no below 40 rainy shittiness.

The Lord: I would like to say that the law also says "April showers bring May flowers", so the plaintiff cannot sue for the rain. I would also like to state that the plaintiff lives in a northern state, and one known for its shitty weather, Michigan. Also, I am the Lord, and I can "do whateva I want." Challenging my authority is blasphemous.

Judge: My question is for you, Mr. Clupbert. Did you have tennis pre-planned with someone or were you just going to go out and play on a whim?

Clupbert: I didn't have it preplanned but that's because-

Judge: -because nothing, just answer my questions. The Lord, we know that Michigan has shitty weather, but 40 below in April? Did it not snow also after St. Patrick's day? Do you understand the legality of a couple inches of snow after Spring has sprung?

The Lord: I'm done ::the lord proceeds to torch the room and banish its members to hell:: Looks like judgment is for the defendant only bitches.