Chinaman found in Elevator

A chinese man was found after being shut in a malfunctioning elevator for three days on a delivery.
"I almost died of thirst like a person in a vegetative state who has had their feeding tube removed," said Ming Kuang Chen, 35. He had no food or water during the entire ordeal.
Chen also reportedly yelled and screamed and pressed the alarm button to no avail. He even tried doing chinese people things like running up the walls and doing back flips and stuff. Authorities are trying to assess why the building's security didn't hear him.
"I heard a lot of yapping and kicking sounds and just assumed it was a kung fu movie playing in one of the apartments, " said one security guard.
They even thoroughly searched the building for him but somehow the officers managed to not check the elevator. The elevator reportedly also contained security cameras but apparently everyone involved in the search is a "complete assclown" according to any person with a shred of common sense.
"It really is an amazing gaffe, kind of like the OJ case.We can be proud of the security and police that worked this case because all of us really had to come together and do a lot of bad policework to let this happen for three days." said NYPD officer Danny Horowitz.
Chen was making three deliveries of chinese food to the apartment when he became stuck between the 3rd and 4th floor on his way down from the 38th. He delivered one full order almond chicken, half order pork lo mein, 3 orders of sweet and sour pork, and 1 order of kung pao golden retriever.
Notorious for being cunning business people, the owner of Chen's Chinese restaurant, a Tu Wong Foo, promptly fired Chen after she learned he "skipped work."
"He lazy good fo' nothing. I never like Chen. He very bad worker. No wonder that dummy lock himself in fo' tree day. One time he thought he real funny. He told a customer, 'me chinese, me play joke, me go pee pee in your coke.' Very bad. Chen idiot" said Foo.
Chen's english was reportedly so bad, he had to point to his watch to tell officer's how long he was stuck in the elevator. The officers reportedly told Chen that they already had a watch and didn't need to buy one from him.
Mayor Michael Bloomberg marveled at Chen's good luck. "He must have big ear lobes or has one of those special red lucky gates or rubbed Buddha's head a lot or something" said the mayor. He also stated, "The city of New York is very happy we found him; we always have a place for cheap unskilled immigrant labor."