I'm getting married

So for Christmas, my parents got me something stupid that I didn't want. I said, "you !@#$">!@#$, I don't want an Mp3 player, I want TiVo in my room."
So after begging and pleading, manipulating, plotting, three murders, two turtle doves, and one call to DirecTV, it was installed the other day. Much to my surprise, we've fallen in love and decided to get married. I told her upon the second day of our meeting, "I have heard good things about Everybody Hates Chris, but I don't give a shit about looking up what time it is and remembering to watch it."
"No problem honey," she said, "I will just record it for you so you can watch whenever you feel like. Oh and feel free to fast forward through commercials."
Now, my life is comprised of watching tv shows that I used to skip because of having a life. I will record everything from reruns of SNL to basketball games to the View (because I'm at work or school during the day -- the View, ha, almost.)
What are the drawbacks you say? Well one is that it hums (whining actually -- women...) and so my room is not as quiet as it used to be while I try to sleep. There is also a light on it so it's like having a night light in my room. Also, my brain is turning in to mush because of how much tv I'm watching (I used to watch Lost and football and one or two other things; that's it.)
I wish everything in life was like TiVo. I don't feel like working, I will just set that time slot away for when I do feel like working and maybe even fast forward through the whole experience. Matter of fact, I think about how much of my life I would miss had I the ability to fast forward through parts. I would probably cut my life down to about 230 years of actually experienced life. Mind you, I expect to live 1000 years, so that is a lot of time wasted.

Oh and I also want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, unless your jewish, then of course I wish you Merry We Murdered the Savior Day or whatever you call your holidays. And of course I can't forget, Happy We Hate White People Week or whatever it is.