Concoctia part 2- The meaning of life

Well in our dream, Lord Elron also explained to us what life is really about. At first he said chips and beer, but then laughed and told us he was just kidding. At least it's good to know that the Lord has a sense of humor.
Well then he went in to the boring part. He said it's basically "reincarnation meets the matrix". Like we all have super being representatives that reside in level Zepton X (Your goal in life is to try and make it to this level, we'll get to it later). Well these super beings live out a video game that is our life. Each time their memory is erased and only their skills can be used (you attain skills RPG style) to advance them in this life.
They have a couple of main goals that achieve one of the three "basic life forces". The three basic life forces are nuts, bolts, and bacon. I know you think these are weird names to give life forces but Elron says it must be this way. And unfortunately Elron says is not like Simon says. When you don't do what Simon says, you're out of the game, and when you don't do what Elron says, you are smited (you have to watch the Lifetime channel for a lifetime is punishment level 1). Well anyway here are the main life forces.
Nuts- This is pretty much anything to do with aggressiveness. Having no fear and really going out and getting what you want.
Bolts- This is building a reputation. You want as many people to revere you as possible. How you decide to do that is up to you. Just kidding, it's up to Lord Elron, good luck.
Bacon- This is boning people. Some people have become Level Zepton L's by just boning enough people. This includes the Wad and a couple girls from my high school.

Now those explanations are the best that we can do. Once the religion is up and running, researchers will work to explain it in much more detail. We will never fully understand the forces until we reach Zepton X and until then, this will have to do.

Ways to increase your life forces for each category:

Nuts:

Pick on nerds and stuff. This may seem wrong to you at the time but it only seems wrong because of how many life force points you are racking up while others aren't. This is called "life force guilt" and is common. Most things you feel guilty about are actually giving you life force points and that is why you feel that way.
Lying to screw somebody.
Driving like an asshole on the freeway.
Making people feel uncomfortable even in everyday situations because of how Type A you are.
Picking fights.
And strange enough, peeing outside also helps this category.

Bolts: Lord Elron told me that building a reputation is a strange thing. Having people "like" you is not really that good. Having people fear and respect you is much better. Tom Hanks has a mighty good reputation but it actually hurts him because everyone thinks he is a wussy. Donald Trump on the other hand is a bolts role model.

Bacon: Just bone as many people as you can. There are things that can hurt you though. If you have sex with unattractive people, catch a disease, get someone pregnant, or embarass yourself in the process, then you will get minus points. You may ask, well how do unattractive people get any Bacon points? Well the simple fact is that they shouldn't. Lord Elron says it is ok to discriminate and discriminating is actually a key part of the nuts category.

That concludes another boring installment of my new religion. Part 3 will be about how to get from levels Zepton I through X, how to worship properly, and other church intracacies.