School for the Bullied Opens

Clupbert- ESBR Staff Writer

Students that feel they face discrimination and bullying will have their own Charter School as plans in Milwaukee are under way.
"Fags and dorks just don't feel safe at school" says Tina Owen, a teacher that will leave her current school to teach at the new high school named Alliance.
The school is opening because teachers are concerned about how vicious adolescents are these days. They say that people who act too different become targets for the obviously cooler and better kids.
A new study released by the Pew research center has put the number of fags and dorks in school at 14%. They obtained the labels by asking the subject to define themself.
Psychologists agree that the number is probably higher due to loser denial, a condition discussed in the movie Billy Madison. Loser denial is a condition in which the individual refuses to believe that they fit in the loser category even though they spend most of their free time talking about clans and Lord of the Rings or simply just "act weird."
"I wouldn't consider myself a dork, I would say I am just a normal kid" says Chris Ladoski. Signals that Ladoski suffers from the condition are that he has model airplanes all over his room and that his passion is marine fisheries biology.
The school's main goal of course is to create an environment for kids to act like maybe they're cool, even though they're probably not. Critics say that the new school will just set up the same adolescent system that goes on at a normal high school, in which super nerds will be picked on by regular nerds.
"Let's face it, in every nerd organization there is a head nerd and he will abuse the power of his position to pick on super nerds" says Jock Awesome, a critic of the new system. "Do they think if they remove nerds, we won't just make the kids right above them in to our new nerds? Bullying will never go away, especially not as long as I'm around" says Awesome.
Awesome says he likes to give wedgies, hit books out of their hands, flings the back of their head or ears, and other things just to keep nerds "in check."
"Every once in awhile, one will get brave and try to stand up for himself. We then hound that kid for weeks, and sometimes I like to be gay with them" Awesome admits.
The normal mode of combatting discrimination against sexuality is to set up clubs where the picked on can give each other support. At one high school, they set up a club called the Gay-Straight Alliance or GSA.
"We applaud the new school's idea, and we're working hard to combat discrimination at our current school. That's why we set up GSA;[it's] a place of refuge" says Riley Butch, the president of her high school's GSA.
"What, do those fags thing this is world war 2 or something? What's up with all these alliances?" says Jock Awesome, who goes to Butch's school. Awesome says that they routinely rip down their posters and specifically target members of clubs like these to prevent any sort of revolution against the system.
A lot of people believe that kids just need to be too sheltered these days and that a little picking on doesn't hurt. It builds character, those people say.
"I used to pick on kids all the time and all it ever did was toughen them up," says one 31-year old male. We tracked down a person who was picked on by this guy and asked him what he thought.
"I hate that asshole. After I went to law school I looked him up and to my satisfaction he is fat and bald and has to work at a gas station. One day I am going to buy that gas station and fire that prick."